HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
