1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
