Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
