I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
