I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
