what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
