I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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