I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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