ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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