She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize