And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
