$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
