You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize