Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
