"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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