I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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