I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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