Those balls look pretty dangerous.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
