i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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