Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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