Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
