I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
