what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
