I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
