he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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