you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
