I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
