; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What did we do last night that was yellow?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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