We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
