Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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