apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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