i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
