He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
