Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
