Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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