I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
