So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
