She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
