dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
