I just cut my nipple shaving
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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