All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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