Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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