I like to think it a success when the cops are called
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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