i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
