Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
