i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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