Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
