Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
