dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize