I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
