i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
