i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
operation have a gay friend backfired
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
