Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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