I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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