you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
