My hand turned me down
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
