i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize