So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
