Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
