if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
