i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
