please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize