you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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