Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
