Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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